Everything and Nothing
by PimpMasta Popo
Summary: He walked away, his back turned on people he loved, people he cared about. [Oneshot] [Spike x Julia kind of]


Title: Everything and Nothing

Author: PimpMasta Popo (that70sfreak87@yahoo.com)

Pairing: Spike/Julia, mostlty.

Summary: He's here without her, baby, but she's still on his lonely mind…. Episode 26-centric, One-shot Vignette 

****

Space. The final frontier…

Final? Really? He didn't really agree with that. Space was so vast so endless, but it closed in on you. Just when you thought that Venus was a whole 24-hour trip, there you were, staring at the ball of gas, itself. The innate relativity of it… was too much sometimes. That black horizon that stretched forever, but just when you weren't looking, it surrounded you. Surprised the hell out of him sometimes. 

But it never ceased to amaze him. The distance. How everything he ever wanted was so close… and he didn't know where it was. Kind of ironic when he sat and thought about it. The woman he loved was miles away. And he didn't even know where to start looking. By Mars? Near Jupiter? Who knew? She had left, fled, ran away. His mind listed other words that were linked to those words. But that didn't escape the finality of it. She left. His heart was broken. 

End. Fini. Let the curtain fall, have all the players take a bow. This was the end of the story. And then as you are to do in after any performance, you go back to the real world. You return to your daily life of walking to dog, fixing dinner, arguments with your spouse. 

He couldn't quite bring himself to do that. He was still there. Halfway in-between. He held on to her so tightly. He couldn't let go of her. And this new life stared him in the face. Begging, pleading, asking him to forget about the past…it didn't matter. 

But it mattered to him. That piece of him… that one piece of him… wouldn't let it be. She was out there, waiting for him. He wanted her to know he was waiting for her too. She had to know. She couldn't have forgotten everything. 

He walked away, his back turned on people he loved, cared about. She was crying. He could hear her sobs. He kept walking. He figured she'd keep crying. She did that sometimes. Her sobs quieted momentarily as she raised the gun. His slow paced kept its rhythm. She shot 5 shots into the roof of the ship. He kept walking into the darkness. 

In the end, we're all alone, he wanted to tell her. He wanted to let her know why he couldn't stay. Say it nice and gentle like. Sit her down on that yellow couch. Say, "I love her. I can't stop loving her. I know you've found a home here, Faye. But you don't understand why I have to leave."

Would she really listen? He knew she wouldn't. He knew her too well. No one understood. Jet pretended to understand. He nodded and sighed. He told anecdotes about men in the Sahara. It didn't matter what he said. The main point was… _don't go. It doesn't matter. Stay here._

Why did no one understand? Julia was what he _lived_ for. These people were important to him. Yes, but this was Julia. He briefly wondered if he had fallen in love with the idea of her. He pushed that thought out of his mind. He loved her. He loved the smell of her, the taste of her, the thought of her. He loved how she would talk to him. He loved how she listened. Blue eyes, staring at him, somehow staring straight into his soul. They couldn't have ever known anyone like her. They never got to see Julia, never got to meet her. If they had met her, they would've understood. She was amazing, and everyone who met her knew it. 

"Was it for the girl?" 

He looked at Jet with deadpan eyes. He watched her die. He watched their love die. How could anyone understand? They didn't understand their love… how could they possibly understand this? This wasn't about rivalries and syndicates anymore. This was about Julia. 

Scratch that, it was _always_ about Julia. He lived for Julia. And Julia was gone. What was there to live for?

Jet and Faye, Ed and the dog. They instantly came to his mind. 

But... was that enough? Enough to keep him? Restless as he was, it kept him for a while. God knows it would've never contained him, but it kept him for the time being. Then she showed up again. And everything he took for granted was thrown out the window. Millions of thoughts buzzed in his head

A house and a family

Marriage

White picket fence

All the ideas that he was taught as a child to fall in love with. He felt as if a dream had been stolen from him. With the sound of a bullet… everything was gone.

And Spike was left with nothing. 


End file.
